Be Careful with Me

Life is never cut and dry. Life is never black and white. Rather it is a variety of climates, temperatures, temperaments, and feelings. The human experience is shaped and shaded by the variations of life. These changes make life difficult to handle sometimes at least in my experience it has. When I was younger, I thought life was simple, but as I got older, I realized that I had been protected from the bulk of life's true character. Yes, I did experience hardships and difficulties, but I never had to deal with the full impact of those situations because my parents did. As I am growing and learning I am continually becoming more and more aware of life's overwhelming impact. I had always dreamed about being an adult because I had created this narrative of adulthood. Now that the reality is quickly approaching I am aware now more than ever that my fantasies were naive because I had not felt life's startling impact. I am understanding better why teenagers I had encountered before I was this age acted out so much. Growing into adulthood is a scary process. Everything that you had come accustomed to is changing whether you've been raising yourself or have parental assistance the impact is equally as hard. My responsibilities are solely mine now. I have to think through my actions because now the impact will come to my head on without the cushion of whoever was taking the edge off of the impact. And that right there is terrifying and exciting. I wish someone would have told me about all of this. I wish the teenage years were not so demonized or belittled so teens could get the guidance that they need. I wish people would not be so quick to forget the teenage years, but instead be real about what went down during that time. 

I have been trying to understand the teenage years as a whole and why it is such a difficult, exciting, and stressful time. I've landed on the fact that everything is so new! Hormones are acting up, old feelings are becoming more complex, and new feelings have to be sorted out, and the world feels like it's changing so quickly. No one coached me through the whole young teen to mid-teens phase. Now I navigated the young teens very well (okay as best I as I could manage), but boy let me tell ya this mid-teen thing is a whole different ball game. The way I describe it is like life surprised attacked me, but I am the only one who was surprised. I was not ready, to say the least. Now I'm trying to understand life better and figure out how I'm supposed to fit into life. My morals are tested every other second, my decision-making skills are continuously challenged and I still feel like I'm spinning out of control. I take back the statement I made earlier about not being ready for my mid-teens, I would like to rephrase, I was ready for my teens based on the foundation that was laid for me by my parents, and that has made this more difficult for me. I don't want to be reckless because a moment of recklessness could be the one thing that alters my life forever and I can't afford to do that. 

At this time in my life, my body and morals are not on the same page. I'm trying my hardest not to have sex before I'm married, but m body is like "we off that sis." I don't think I have ever understood the phrase "I am my own worst enemy" until now. Since my mind and body have switched teams, I am trying my hardest to get them back on my side. But it is not that easy because I high key like thinking about the things my brain presents me sometimes and that right there is why I am my own worst enemy because I know what I like and know how to twist it to make it sound reasonable. It's crazy! 

My point in saying all of this is be careful with the people you interact with because everyone is going through something. Maybe it is the overwhelming change of growing up or life being life in general. Empathy and kindness go a long way. Give someone else the attention and wisdom you wish you had growing up maybe they'll take your advice perhaps they won't, but you will have extended your kindness, and that is more memorable than anything else.